How to Amplify Your Self-Awareness and EQ

In a world where technologies such as artificial intelligence (AI) are rapidly transforming how work gets done, the human touch still counts. Human skills are becoming a differentiator and leaders with emotional intelligence are in high demand.   

What exactly is emotional intelligence? 

Emotional intelligence is commonly defined as the ability to recognize, understand, and manage your own emotions, as well as understand and influence the emotions of others. As a leader, it boils down to how you manage yourself while you manage your team. It is how people experience you. It is what allows you to create safe relationships and create the culture you want to build. It is your reputation.

Leaders with strong emotional intelligence master their emotions and empathize with others, allowing them to navigate complex situations with more clarity and control. They are focused on relationships and on drawing the best out of people. They are mindful about how they need to support their team, and they understand what each team member needs to feel valued.

While some people possess emotional intelligence more innately, self-awareness, emotional regulation, and empathy are key skills that can be learned.

Build Self-Awareness

Self-awareness lies at the heart of emotional intelligence. It’s important for leaders to critically reflect on how they react emotionally in situations and how their emotional states affect their actions and decision-making.

It’s valuable to ask yourself questions:

• How did I feel when ____ happened? Do I consistently react to this type of situation in the same way?
• What was my initial reaction? How did my thought process change as my emotional state changed or relaxed?
• How do I relate to the world differently than the other people around me? How do I express myself emotionally to my peers and team members?
• What strengths do I bring to high-emotion situation? What weaknesses do I have in regulating myself or understanding others?

In coaching practice, we often use tools such as 360-degree feedback to help leaders gain a holistic understanding of their behaviour and emotional impact. There are many structured and unstructured mindfulness practices like journaling or self-reflection frameworks to help leaders identify triggers and habitual responses.   

Most importantly, the leader needs to be willing to really see themselves as they are, and work to understand their deficits in their emotional regulation, communication, and empathetic response to others to improve their emotional intelligence.

Improve Self-Regulation

Being able to identify and understand one’s emotions is the first step to being able to master them. Once an individual understands their emotional reactions in certain situations, next step is finding tools to help them ground themselves or make better decisions under these circumstances. There are many ways that this can manifest, and what techniques work best are specific to the individual.

In coaching, I often work with individuals to test techniques and strategies such as breathing exercises, visualization techniques, or cognitive reframing, that can help support leaders in a situation where they regularly would be overwhelmed by stress, frustration, or anger. Through guided trial and error, I work with clients to figure out the best methods for managing these challenging emotions when they do arise.

Leaders who learn how to regulate their emotions may make more intentional decisions and enjoy healthier interactions with others. This doesn’t mean that, as a leader, you always have to have perfect control over your emotions to the point that you can disregard them; sometimes, the most important thing is to recognize that you’re emotional state is impeding your ability to make a decision, and therefore you should wait to make the decision when you have a clearer mind or ask for support from others—a team member, a coach, a mentor, a trusted peer—to help you gain perspective on the issue.

Grow Empathy

Empathy plays a huge role in emotional intelligence. Having self-awareness and being able to understand what others are going through – and being able to support them through it – are crucial to being able to connect with others. 

For leaders, empathy plays a vital role in building trust and rapport with their team. An empathetic leader can better understand an employee’s challenges, solve conflicts, and remove obstacles that may be hindering performance. And by showing empathy during difficult conversations – whether its giving professional feedback or addressing other personal challenges – a leader can create an environment that encourages team member to communicate and contribute ideas more openly.   

One consistent challenge we see is in how leaders listen. In general, many people aren’t great active listeners; people often spend more time in a conversation trying to figure out how to respond or what they want to say, and don’t really pay attention to the person in front of them. This often leads to working with leaders to strengthen their active listening skills for both verbal and non-verbal cues, and to develop a better understanding of how their words and actions impact the people around them.

Strengthen Communication Skills

Improved regulation, self-awareness, and empathy all empower individuals to become more effective communicators. As a supervisor, you’re more equipped to manage challenging conversations with your team members through actively listening, considering their perspective without reacting negatively, and responding intentionally. As a negotiator, you’re able to understand both sides of the situation and create solutions that leave both parties feeling satisfied with the outcome. As a leader, you’re able to identify tensions between members of your team and develop ways to foster a more cohesive environment.

EQ as a practice, not an endpoint

The key to improving emotional intelligence and self-awareness is to continue the work; with new challenges and environments, there is always space to learn something new about how we as individuals interact with others and understand ourselves. Great emotional intelligence is the result of consistent self-reflection, consideration, and challenging yourself to consider others’ perspectives.

It is highly rewarding to be able to support people as they go through this process, using coaching sessions as an opportunity for leaders to look inward and reflect on how they want to better themselves. It’s so powerful get in the habit of reframing life’s inevitable challenges into opportunities for learning and growth. 

As the business landscape continues to evolve, successful leaders will be the ones who excel at the human side of leadership. Whether you are looking to build stronger relationships, enhance team performance, or simply lead with greater confidence, elevating your emotional intelligence has the power to unlock your full potential.  

This article was co-written by Bryan Benjamin, Executive Director, Ivey Executive Education, and Manon Dulude, an Ivey Executive Coach.