The MBA has been an amazing experience. Yet, I would say that my biggest accomplishment at Ivey was strengthening my family bond.
Let me elaborate.
The bad news about this unique situation was that it was much more challenging than either Andrew and I had ever fathomed. The good news was that our family had a second-chance at the program experience, where we both learned from each other’s mistakes (as the role of a student, a spouse and a parent).
To those who plan on entering the MBA program with children, do not take it lightly when others warn you about its challenges. Many marriages and relationships have broken down during the program, even without kids. Why? Unfortunately, the cliché, “The show must go on” holds true when you are a student at Ivey. It is a high caliber, extremely intense program, and unfortunately, you cannot push the pause button on the MBA program when trying to deal with your personal life. As a result, students who are parents constantly find themselves in a tug-of-war between personal life and student life. Caught up in this whirlwind of MBA emotional highs and lows, massive stress, chronic sleep deprivation, and a belief that their spouse does not understand what they are going through, some students choose the MBA urgencies over family priorities, which can deeply impact your family.
However there is hope. Doing an MBA as a parent is challenging, but not impossible. Here are five tips I found useful for our family these past years.
1) Have a full-time designated caregiver for your child other than you.
A fulltime caregiver can be your spouse, a grandparent, or a trustworthy nanny. The program is high caliber, and having someone to rely on when your child is sick, not sleeping at night, or is just plain fussy will minimize your parenting anxieties and allow you to maximize your learning experience. If your child is in daycare, and your spouse is working, be sure that they have the flexibility in their work environment to go to work late and leave urgently. Establishing these expectations before the program starts will minimize stress on your relationship.
2) Spend time with your family on a daily basis
This may sound obvious. However, when the program ramps up, and you feel stretched beyond your limits, take a break with your family. Family priorities should come before MBA urgencies. Family time will put things in perspective and re-energize you to accomplish more. But if this is not enough to convince you, remember that without family, your MBA accomplishments are empty.
3) Don’t compare yourself to other students.
Comparing ourselves to others is contagious – we are, after all, in a top-notch MBA program, surrounded by amazing people. Parents, in particular, may feel left out if they are not participating in all the extracurricular events and social activities, or not performing as well as others. Remind yourself on a daily basis of your huge accomplishment: participating in the Ivey MBA program while caring for a child.
4) Be kind to yourself and your spouse.
Being kind to yourself means not pressuring yourself to reach perfection on those assignments, or finish every reading. It also means accepting that you and your partner have limitations, and to not blame each other if things go wrong. Doing this will reduce the guilt that is often synonymous with being a parent at Ivey.
5) Be Transparent to your MBA family
Your MBA family – students and staff – is eager to provide you with much-needed support. Be open with them about what you need to be an effective team member and student. You will be surprised at how willing they are to help you, if you are willing to ask for help.
With these tips, you will be bound to maximize your chances of success in the MBA as a parent. If you have any other questions about being a parent at Ivey, feel free to reach out to me at anytime. Email: ssetiawan.mba2013@ivey.ca
About Stephanie:
Stephanie Setiawan has a Mechanical Engineering Degree from the University of Calgary. After graduating from undergrad, she worked for Quadra Chemicals, a private Chemical Distribution Company within the Energy sector. Within this company, her various roles exposed her to engineering, sales and marketing, which inspired her to do her MBA so that she can learn more about business. After Ivey, she will return to Calgary to work within the energy sector.